UNDERSTANDING ADULTERY BY PR. DENIS KALUNGI

KIREKA CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP

Adultery is understood as sexual relations between a married (or betrothed) woman and a man other than her husband or partner." when adultery walks in everything worth having in the house, in the family walks out" actually adultery is an image of hell.

The difference between adultery and fornication. Adultery is only used when at least one of the parties involved (either male or female) is married, whereas fornication may be used to describe two people who are unmarried (to each other or anyone else) engaging in consensual sexual intercourse.

“if you want to destroy any nation without war, make adultery or nudity common in the young generation” Sex and marriage have become radically separated in modern society. It is now commonplace for men and women to sleep together, live together, and even have children together without ever “getting married.” Sex often is seen as a meaningless bodily act, and marriage is viewed as a piece of paper that one signs for government benefits {Sexual union as a binding covenantal act}

What is meant by a “covenant”? 

A covenant is a relationship of obligation or commitment sealed with an oath. “Adultery as Covenant-Breaking” Sex breaks a covenant when a married person has sexual relations with someone who is not his or her spouse she or he breaks the covenant and we call this adultery, and it is a terrible sin. 

God prohibits adultery in the sixth commandment {Exodus 20:14} and {Deuteronomy 5:18} as it is unfaithfulness to one’s spouse and breaks the marriage covenant previously ratified. Marriage is a covenant, and a man and woman enter, the marriage covenant is completed through sexual union

Why is sex confined exclusively to married couples? That’s the question we have to ask. If sex is such a good and wonderful thing and our bodies are good and made by God to enjoy sex, then why does God restrict this intimacy exclusively inside the covenant commitment of marriage? 

The Christian sex ethic really can be summarized briefly like this: that sex is for use within marriage between a  man and woman. That’s the Christian vision.

Why God confines sexual activity inside marriage?

I think  we  can  give  several reasons for  this, God confines  sexual activity  inside  marriage because of the following reasons:

The first reason is that sexual intimacy involves our whole person. He reflects on intimacy with these profound words: “Some people have felt uncomfortable about sex because they somehow equate the sexual desire of men with the sexual drive of animals. 

They should remember that animals breed according to instinct with biological motivation. But man has intercourse as a whole person. Let us realize how the bodies of men and women are designed by God. Even in the sex act itself, we are reminded that this is a relationship of persons, not just bodies, for it is no coincidence that man is the only creature of all of God’s creation who relates sexually face-to-face. This is  why  in the  Christian  vision of  sexual  intimacy it  is  a relationship  of  persons Sexual intimacy involves our whole person, and that's why it is set within this exclusive frame. “the spirit of adultery robs a man or a woman his or her authority in the spiritual realm”

God has designed sexual expression to be experienced within the context of a permanent love relationship. {See Genesis 2:24-25.} Christians who believe this should realize that sex will be fulfilling in a lasting way only in the context of marriage. If we pick a wildflower and take it from its natural environment, it wilts quickly. So, too, the satisfaction of sex is short-lived when it is torn from the setting for which God designed it will be terror. “Or it’s like receiving a sealed package and receiving unsealed package for an unsealed package you will always blame someone who unsealed it.”

Sex symbolizes covenant fulfillment. If you have sex with someone you’re not married to, you tell a lie with your body. Your body testifies that a spiritual, supernatural, and legal joining has taken place, when in fact it hasn’t. Not only that, but your behavior also tells a lie about God and the nature of His covenant. You throw mud at the supernatural storyline that your body was created to honor. According to the Bible, the only sex that faithfully tells God’s covenant story is sex that takes place within a marriage covenant. According to the Bible, marital sex is the only sex that glorifies God, so if you do it after receiving this knowledge woe to you.

I may say we have two covenants in a lifetime, the one we make with God and another one, one can make it with the devil, so if you’re not for God you can be for the devil. Each time we choose to take God’s decree we choose God, so sex outside marriage is against God’s plan or will. Therefore do not dare allow Satan to steal your marriage virtues. “For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life {1 Thessalonians 4:7},”

God designed sex for oneness in marriage. He designed it as a means of intimate communication between a man and a woman who have committed themselves to each other for life. In any other context, the purpose of sex gets twisted. sex intimacy if not well understood it will bring the effects below:

1, Sex outside marriage affects our heart

2. Sex outside marriage affects our inward being

3. It is a sin, which disorders the heart

4. Our passions and desires get distorted

5. Sex intimacy outside marriage leads to death {proverbs 5:3-5}

It hurts everyone in the family. "Actually cheating on your husband or wife is like throwing away a diamond and picking up fool's gold"

Sexual intimacy is to be a whole-life-giving, the sinful heart wants to use it for selfish reasons, and therefore the Bible puts rules. Sexual intimacy is powerful as an expression of commitment, and that's why it is restricted. 

God confines sexual activity inside the marriage because it's a sign of this covenant relationship. This was the biblical vision of  God {Genesis  2:24-25}, that a  man will leave his father and mother and hold fast or cling or cleave to his wife and they become one flesh,  isn’t this a covenant-making away act? To join  together  as husband  and  wife, with an oath  or  a vow, and every  covenant in  Scripture has  words that  go  with it  and  a  symbolic  action that  goes  with it that ratifies or makes the covenant

Don’t unite with someone physically unless you are willing to unite with that person emotionally, personally, socially, economically, and legally. “In other words, don’t become physically vulnerable without becoming vulnerable in every other way because you've given up your freedom and found yourself bound to your spouse in marriage.

If you have sex outside of marriage, you will have to steel/harden yourself against sexual power to soften your heart toward another person and make you more trusting, Sex will lose its covenant-making power for you. Ironically, then sex outside of marriage eventually works backward, making you less able to commit and trust another person. “God’s Word is trying to protect us.  It isn’t trying to hold something good back from us.

The bible explains it in the book of {1 Corinthians 6:15- 18} that anyone other covenant by a man is done outside the body but the covenant of sex is done inside the body meaning each time one makes a push he or she is signing an agreement.

1, I am signing to share STDs

2. I am signing to share curses

3. I am signing to share HIV

4. I am signing to share the family bondage

5. I am signing to die

6. I am signing to share the demons of uniformity

I can explain this point further with Ecclesiastes 7:26 I found something more bitter than death—the woman who is like a trap. The love she offers you will catch you like a net, and her arms around you will hold you like a chain. Therefore Satan uses adultery as a net in order to kill God’s good plan in you. I can compare this to the spider, for the spider does not labor looking for what to eat or for the prey, the moment it makes its spider web everything is done. The prey will be caught automatically. 

Remember Satan is a thief who comes only in order to steal, kill, and destroy {John 10:10}. Do not tell me that you understand what you’re doing, no thief can steal someone who is sober. So Satan uses adultery as a net for you to be killed.

1, He is much aware that in your adultery you will be caught by HIV thus death

2. He is much aware that in adultery you will be murdered else ashamed

3. He is much aware that through adultery divorce is a sure deal thus killing God’s plan

4. He is much aware that in adultery you will be bewitched thus death

One thing I want you to understand is that it’s not permanent, it was Satan’s plan to kill the good plan God has got for you, remember how it was with Job. To accept that it happened stop being defensive confess and repent.

Remember Satan used you as bait but his plan was:

1, Your marriage

2. Your husband

3. Your wife

4. Your family

5. Your children please go on confess and repent

Adultery is like a storm/hurricane. When it hits land, you and everyone in its path is blown in many different directions. Similarly, the discovery of an affair affects everyone in your family.

Adultery is a marriage problem that affects children. When parents are in crisis, their children are also in a crisis

When adultery leads to divorce, everyone takes a hit. [Even considering the option of divorce is enough to cause emotional pain that is not forgotten]

Emotional wounds that do not heal and affect everyone. After the affair has ended and the 'shock' has died down, most couples do not do the necessary work to heal and recover fully. These couples remain in a state of polarization, mistrust, and guilt

The 'adultery story' is always remembered and everyone that knows it is changed forever. Even though the couple may choose to stay together, everyone who knows these two individuals will always treat them differently

Damage to Self Esteem, the person who has been cheated on will suffer a blow to his or her self-esteem. They may have the usual thoughts of, “Was I not enough?” or “If I hadn’t let myself go this would not have happened.

Common Warning Signs of adultery in a marriage, 

You call and no one picks your calls yet he or she is online at times the phone is completely off, loss of network in the house or around you, changing response while talking to you, traffic jam even in villages, dressing code changes, constant loss of people in the village or giving a lot of excuses for going to the village, being rush every time, smelling fresh every time {Prov 30:20}, struggling with make-up all the time, late coming and not reliable to questions, familiarity, you're always criticizing each other, you don't have sex anymore, you have the same argument over and over (and over), you don't enjoy spending time together, you start keeping secrets, sexual infidelity, publicly embarrassing you, you’re the last one to know, a spouse who threatens divorce on a regular basis.

What does the bible say about adultery?

The bible mentions it clearly in Proverbs 5:3-5 the lips of another man's wife may be as sweet as honey and her kisses as smooth as olive oil, but when it is all over, she leaves you nothing but bitterness and pain. She will take you down to the world of the dead; the road she walks is the road to death,” I do not see anything good as far as the bible states.”

It also states in proverbs 6:32 But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lots, and his shame will never be wiped away.” Does adultery still make sense to u?”

Proverbs 6:27-28 can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished?

It’s quoted in proverbs 12:4 a good wife is her husband's pride and joy; but a wife who brings shame on her husband is like cancer in his bones. “Do you want to be such a lady or a wife?” 

Please if you have ears hear this from Proverbs 5:20 Son, why should you give your love to another woman? Why should you prefer the charms of another man's wife? ” meaning bewitching you is a sure deal no one commits adultery and escape from it.”

How does the bible describe the demon of adultery?

It’s a deceptive demon. However, God informed us all its tricks as we may see below:

Proverbs 7:15-23,” The bible says, I made my offerings today and have the meat from the sacrifices. So I came out looking for you. I wanted to find you, and here you are! I've covered my bed with sheets of colored linen from Egypt. I've perfumed it with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come on! Let's make love all night long. We'll be happy in each other's arms. My husband is not at home, he has gone on a long journey. He took his wallet filled with money and will not be home till full moon.” but the moment you enter chaos. so many young boys and girls have lost their lives in adultery.

Proverbs 7:2-5,” The bible says, my child, remember what I say and never forget what I tell you to do. Do what I say, and you will live. Be as careful to follow my teaching as you are to protect your eyes. Keep my teaching with you all the time; write it in your heart. Treat wisdom as your sister, and insight as to your closest friend. They will keep you away from other men's wives, from women with seductive words.”

Proverbs 30:20 is how an unfaithful wife acts: she commits adultery, takes a bath, and says, “But I haven't done anything wrong!” what you do so many people cheaters have been doing it but never accept losing marriage fidelity.

What does God recommend?

Proverbs 5:18-19 so be happy with your wife and find your joy with the woman you married - pretty and graceful as a deer. Let her charms keep you happy; let her surround you with her love.

1 Corinthians 7:5-7 do not deny yourselves to each other unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer, but then resume normal marital relations. In this way, you will be kept from giving in to Satan's temptation because of your lack of self-control.

Proverbs 31:10-11 how hard it is to find a capable wife! She is worth far more than jewels! Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor.

1 Corinthians 7:2 but because there is so much immorality, every man should have his own wife, and every woman should have her own husband.

The man that commits adultery with another man's wife, even he that commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.” {Leviticus 20:10}

My quip/remark as a pastor! Whenever you see anyone suggesting to you when you’re married without fear please take off, do not allow Satan to use you as bait to kill the good plan God has for your family. I have in-closed several reasons for you to why you should take off: 

1, This is an enemy for your husband

2. An enemy for your children

3. An enemy for your reputation so he is interested in your failure

4. An enemy for your wife

5. An enemy for your relatives because for anything everyone will be heartbroken

6. An enemy of your happiness, take it from me this is a bond at one time you will be caught in a net of thoughts because no one is perfect

If I can pose a question, “who of us has ever seen drunkards without money for drinking alcohol or seen womanizes/sex workers lacking money to hire a lodge? The answer is no, this is because they have a funder who never gives up and he is “Satan”. Build your trust in the Lord he will fund you too. Having seen God’s sanction what is our final destination? “One of the adulterous may proudly say that its heaven” well it's 100% true, but will the adulterers inherit God’s kingdom. 

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 surely you know that the wicked will not possess God's Kingdom. Do not fool yourselves; people who are immoral or who worship idols or are adulterers or homosexual perverts or who steal or are greedy or are drunkards or who slander others or are thieves—none of these will possess God's Kingdom and I believe we are all working for God's kingdom.

Galatians 5:17-21 what human nature does is quite plain. It shows itself in immoral, filthy, and indecent actions; in the worship of idols and witchcraft. People become enemies and they fight; they become jealous, angry, and ambitious. They separate into parties and groups; they are envious, get drunk, have orgies, and do other things like these. I warn you now as I have before: those who do these things will not possess the Kingdom of God.

This is because your body is the temple of the Lord.

1 Corinthians 3:16 surely you know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you!

1 Corinthians 3:16 don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourselves but to God;

The two bibles quoting explains why we should be careful while choosing to commit adultery and we have to remember that Christ is coming back to take his church without a spot {Ephesians 5:27}

What causes adultery in marriage or among married partners?

Revenge

Cheating husbands and wives periodically engage in adultery simply to get back at their spouses. Their urges to get revenge can be motivated by perceived wrongs or transgressions committed by their partner

Lack of Sexual Satisfaction

Adultery is sometimes motivated by a lack of sexual satisfaction in the cheating person's marriage

Exposure to Other Cheaters

A somewhat surprising study cited by pr. Denis states that the children of parents who had affairs outside marriage are more likely to also cheat on their future spouses, even if they witnessed their parents receive some sort of punishment for adultery.

Adultery and Anger

When one partner engages in adultery, it can cause the other person in the relationship to feel angry. Imagine your spouse engaging in a sexual relationship with someone besides you.

Running Away from Problems

Running away from problems is a major contributor to infidelity. Making excuses rather than facing the music with your spouse opens the door to infidelity, especially emotional affairs

Lack of Respect at Home

Does your spouse treat you well? Do you treat your spouse well in return? Over the years I have seen many doctors, for example, run off with their nurse or other medical support staff. It’s really not surprising that doctors in general are often worshiped by their staff at work, but in contrast at home, they are treated with a lack of respect. Does ego-stroking, in general, lead to affairs? Absolutely. Everyone enjoys a compliment. 

Issues Involving Body Image and Aging

Issues involving body image and weight gain as well as aging can, unfortunately, lead to an affair with strangers in your marriage and thus divorce. Some people will “trade-in” an aging spouse for a “younger” model.

Living Apart for Extended Periods of Time

Travel for work and living apart for extended periods of time invariably lead to affairs

Facebook & WhatsApp 

Facebook and what’s app are contributing factors to about a third of all divorces. A couple of months ago I saw a marriage closely breaking because of strangers who sabotaged the marriage through WhatsApp and the messages were being deleted. “one lie is enough to question all the truth”

Bewitching 

A wife might be bewitched to hate his husband or a husband to hate his wife, this is common in polygamous families or it could be done by evil people.

Excitement to new life, new people, and environment {lack of exposure}

This is due to lack of exposure whereby some we come from the poor background and whatever we see is new in our life, this arouses our desires and remember,” But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.”{James 1:14-15}

Seeking advice from marriage failures

This has ruined so many marriages, you’re a married woman you go to a sex worker for advice, “what do you expect from her? Remember “Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."{1 Corinthians 15:33}

How can someone get healed from the effects of adultery? 

Erase the imprints /marks of betrayal. 

The wounds of betrayal can be so submerged in our subconscious mind that they might be difficult to extract. Meditation can help to reach the root of the former deception and jump-start the healing process. 

Forgive

Forgiving does not mean accepting the wrong behavior of others; it means detaching from the pain, frustration, and bitterness buried within. Forgiveness breaks us free like a ship dislodging from a dock; life is our open sea when we pardon the past. But as long as we harbor hatred or anger against others, personal progress is stifled. Strive to forgive one person a day {Mark 11:25:26}

Start faith slow 

Your faith wasn't damaged in one day, so it can't be rebuilt in such a short time. Like a puzzle, you have to start piecing your faith back slowly. At first, you might find it hard to trust anyone, but slowly and surely you'll redevelop a sense of confidence in the goodwill of others. 

Find others who have faith

You're not the only one who's been betrayed, and you're certainly not the only one who wants to regain faith in others. There are many wonderful, honest people who want to earn your trust. Surround yourself with a positive group of people on the same faithful path as you.

Regain faith in yourself

The first person you have to trust is yourself. Develop a deep, unbreakable bond with your outstanding abilities and your own self-vows. Make a new promise to yourself each day. Because if you can't trust yourself, who can trust you?

Don't betray

Remember the phrase, do unto others as you would have them do unto you {Mathew 7:12}? Never forget it! Whether you've been betrayed or not, don't resort to betraying another, Sin cannot fight sin.

Accept that it has happened. 

Imagine each day that no one will ever hurt you again. The images you create in your mind become projections of reality in the future, so be careful of the thoughts you send out into the universe. What you fear most, happens to you {Job 3:25}

Control your emotions

Your emotions can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Emotions are the essence of our existence, but when they're taken to the extreme, they can downright block our lives. We can easily become stuck in our feelings, mentally and even physically. 

Take a leap of faith

Make a decision based on pure faith. Don't over-analyze or think too much. Follow the voice of God if God spoke no one can say no because for him he is not a son of man to lie {Numbers 23:19}

Trust God unconditionally

While you should always be rational in your level of trust towards others, God to trust without limits. He will never leave you {Isaiah 49:15-16} there still exist, goodhearted folks, you can confide in.

Reaffirm your faith each day

Every morning when you wake up, speak an affirmation to yourself in a loud voice. Affirm your strong faith in others, in yourself, and in your future. Waking up with a faithful phrase each day will wipe away lingering/lasting doubts in your mind {Proverbs 18:21}

Confess it today even if he did not see you or she did not catch you God saw you, it’s written in {Hebrews 4:13} Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.

Psalmist says,” You have done all this, and I have said nothing, so you thought that I am like you. But now I reprimand you and make the matter plain to you.” {Psalms 50:21}

Prayer

Father, I have been deeply hurt and grieved because of my spouse’s adultery and the pain at times is more than I can bear. It is so hard to come to believe that the one person in my life that is closest and I have trusted is discovered to be an adulterer who has betrayed the love we shared. I lay my brokenness before you and pour out my heart to you, for I have no one to turn to Lord but you, and I need your comfort and healing touch to get through this tremendous sadness.

Father in my heart I know that if I nurse this grief and continue to feel sorry for myself that it is likely to turn into sour bitterness and acidic resentment. Prevent me Lord from going down that self-indulgent route, but rather heal me I pray. Touch the areas deep within that are still raw with pain; bathe my wounds with your love and peace and bring me through this ordeal, stronger and more able to be of service to you.

Help me to forgive too I know that in my own strength this would be impossible, but I ask that you would give me the sufficient grace to forgive their unfaithfulness and the ability to remember their sin no more – this I ask in Jesus name,

Amen