PR. DENIS KALUNGI

KIREKA CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP

SAT/22/05/2021

SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE

God has designed sexual expression to be experienced within the context of a permanent love relationship. {See Genesis 2:24-25.} Christians who believe this should realize that sex will be fulfilling in a lasting way only in the context of marriage. If we pick a wildflower and take it from its natural environment, it wilts quickly. So, too, the satisfaction of sex is short-lived when it is torn from the setting for which God designed it will be terror. “Or it’s like receiving a sealed package and receiving unsealed package for an unsealed package you will always blame someone who unsealed it.”

Sex symbolizes covenant fulfillment. If you have sex with someone you’re not married to, you tell a lie with your body. Your body testifies that a spiritual, supernatural, and legal joining has taken place, when in fact it hasn’t. Not only that, but your behavior also tells a lie about God and the nature of His covenant. You throw mud at the supernatural storyline that your body was created to honor. According to the Bible, the only sex that faithfully tells God’s covenant story is sex that takes place within a marriage covenant. According to the Bible, marital sex is the only sex that glorifies God, so if you do it after receiving this knowledge woe to you.

I may say we have two covenants in a lifetime, the one we make with God and another one, one can make it with the devil, so if you’re not for God you can be for the devil. Each time we choose to take God’s decree we choose God, so sex before marriage is against God’s plan or will. Therefore do not dare allow Satan to steal your marriage virtues. “For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life {1 Thessalonians 4:7},”

Three times in the Song of Solomon, we are warned not to “Arouse or awaken love before its time.” Solomon does it right by waiting to give himself fully to his bride. My challenge to you is to avoid any contact that would arouse or lead to arousal before it’s time. It will be worth the wait! No going too far too fast.  Not having sex till marriage.  To awaken love is to arouse to have sex before the right time when love pleases.  True love only pleases once married {Song of Songs 8:4} 

See here every step of marriage is biblical, {song of song 3:4-5}, “The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. “Have you seen the one my heart loves?”  Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me.” This scripture is talking about the introduction of your rightful man to your parents.

When we awaken love before it’s time, love awakens as immature and ill-prepared to handle the ups and downs of life. Love can’t sustain itself. Think of an orchid, there is a way to flick the petals where they open pre-maturely, it’s beautiful but it also withers sooner than it would have if it had opened during a natural progression of time. Just as that orchid can’t be closed again, love can’t be put back to sleep once it’s aroused. 

God is crying out to His daughters in these passages {Song of Songs 2:7; Song of Sons 3:5 ;} Song of Songs 8:4} that we need to wait for correct timing. Everything was done in order and timing thrives. Love birthed in collect timing is lasting. “ you can say all sorts of words but sex before marriage is a sin see what David says, “ {Psalms 51:5-6}, Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived.” This man realized it, what about you?

God designed sex for oneness in marriage. He designed it as a means of intimate communication between a man and a woman who have committed themselves to each other for life. In any other context, the purpose of sex gets twisted. 

We have to understand that in God’s sight, when a man and woman marry and join their bodies together when a husband and wife make love, it is a living picture of the spiritual reality of marriage —two people melded into one. But this physical joining is only one part of the union. Marriage is the combining of a man and woman at every level —not just sexually but emotionally, spiritually, and in every other way. In God’s plan, the sexual union was never meant to be separated from this total union

If unmarried, we are to remain sexually pure. That means more than abstaining from vaginal intercourse. It involves abstaining from fondling genitals, oral sex, and physical pleasuring that leads to orgasm. The biblical word is porneia, which is often translated as “fornication,” but involves a wide range of sexual practices. It bears repeating that the question to ask is not “How far can I go?” but “What standard of purity honors God?” Such a standard is not what we will view on TV or at the movies or read in magazines or on blogs. Yet it is clearly what God desires and has determined as best for our well-being. 

When we turn to what the Bible has to say about sex outside of marriage, it’s not hard, to sum up, the message. Don’t do it. From the Ten Commandments in Exodus to the laws of Leviticus 18, to the instructions of Paul in {1 Corinthians 6-7} to the public embarrassment that attached to the Virgin Mary, the Bible is clear that God’s standard is that sex is to be reserved for marriage, and marriage alone. And unlike much that you’ll find on the shelves of your local Christian bookstore, the Bible doesn’t spend much time trying to justify that standard. You won’t find a verse that says “Thou shalt wait, because it’s better in marriage.” There is no chapter in Scripture that touts the protection from physical disease and emotional heartache that comes from monogamy, although both of those things are true.

Instead, the Bible says things like, “You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the LORD your God” {Leviticus 18:4}. Or, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body“{1 Corinthians 6:19-20}.

The Bible teaches that we should reserve sexual intimacy for marriage for no other reason than that, if we are Christians, we belong to God. Sex outside of marriage is not only a sin against ourselves and our partner, but a fraudulent misrepresentation of God and a cruel distortion of the intimacy he created to be a picture of the eternal intimacy of the Trinity itself. 

Mathew 5:28 commands men to not check out women. I used to think that guys were to check out girls, it was natural for them. But Christ says it’s the same as committing adultery. So what does that have to do with us? If you knew you could save someone in your family from heartache and trouble, would you try as hard as you could to do so? Why wouldn’t you do the same for your spiritual brother? The guy you date, if he’s a Christian, is your brother in Christ. You can protect him by not purposefully dressing in a way that he’ll want to check you out. A daughter of the King doesn’t intentionally want guys to check her out but cares for her brother by dressing in a way that glorifies God.

You also protect your brother when you act in a way that does not cause him to stumble sexually. He could be pressuring you to do certain things and you are going along with him, or you could be pressuring him. Either way, you’re not protecting him and you’re not protecting his future wife. You don’t know for sure if you both are meant to be together, but you do know he has a future wife. So live in such a way that protects everyone. (Diane Montgomery, from Girlsgonewise.com article, “Sexual Purity Means Using Protection”)

I know this is very counter-cultural, but remaining pure before marriage should be of utmost importance to Christian men and women —young or old. Sadly, it’s not. What is of the utmost importance to far too many is money and careers, having a house and car, achieving, attaining, and acquiring things. So they sell out purity and righteousness for financial security and creature comforts. The date for four, five, six, seven years and end up having sex with the other person, defying the plan of God for marriage simply because they “can’t afford” to follow His way and get married. Really?  Good luck explaining your reasons to God.

In some of the bad marriages that I have seen, I ask the question, “Did you fall into premarital sex?” Usually, the answer is yes, and I tell them, “Your relationship probably wouldn’t have endured to the altar if you hadn’t had premarital sex. You just kept spraying lighter fluid on this thing.” But the real coals and embers weren’t there. Experience has it that dating should not last more than a couple of years, most assuredly you will end up in sexual compromise. Couples who are virgins when they marry have a fraction of the divorce rate compared to those who were sexually active before marriage

Live in such a way that’s above reproach so there’s not even a whiff of sexual immorality in your life. If that means a couple is never alone but God’s temple is honored {1 Corinthians 6:19}, so be it! If that means always keeping a door open if you’re in each other’s rooms but the Gospel is not maligned because of that, need be! If that means waiting to kiss or hold hands for months after dating but no one can accuse you of any immorality, but instead they want to know your Lord and Savior, then so be it! What it comes down to is, which do you love more: yourself or Christ? 

We have to understand that in God’s sight, when a man and woman marry and join their bodies together sexually, something spiritual occurs —they do become “one.” When a husband and wife make love, it is a living picture of the spiritual reality of marriage —two people melded into one. But this physical joining is only one part of the union. Marriage is the combining of a man and woman at every level —not just sexually but emotionally, spiritually, and in every other way.

In God’s plan, sexual union was never meant to be separated from this total union. I compare having sex outside of marriage or before marriage to a person who enjoys the sensation of chewing and tasting food but doesn’t want to swallow the food and digest it. This is a perversion of God’s intent. Food was meant to be chewed and also swallowed. Similarly, the sex act was meant to be part of the whole-life union of marriage. When we attempt to experience sex apart from this union, we’re disrespecting and dishonoring marriage. 

Sex before marriage is a revelation of your real value system. It says despite all that he or she says about how much I love you and how much I love God and how much I’m going to serve Him, but if someone asks sex before marriage to you how much do you think he loves you? This shows that he or she does not respect you nor does he or she honor his God and if someone does not honor his creator, it will be hard to honor you. The Scripture says “Whosoever defiles the temple of God, he shall God destroy.” {1 Corinthians 3:17}

For single women, it’s important to understand how God views sex so that it’s not misused. There is right worship and there is wrong worship. Wrong worship brought death to Aaron’s sons when they offered the wrong fire and incense before God. To look at this literally, you can say that sex outside of marriage brings about death to our spirits, as well as to our sense of well-being or esteem. In some cases, it brings death to our bodies through sexually transmitted diseases, abortions, and the fatal attractions that are a result of soul ties from the sexual union.

Amid premarital sex, the worst of couples feels like it’s a great relationship, and that’s one of the great problems with premarital sex. It’s not just that it is sin, but it creates a deception, and it retards the real development of the deeper things. The reason that a couple falls into premarital sex a lot of times is because of the pure novelty or freshness of yearning. Premarital sex that occurs in impulse, in the ignition, on a repeated scale of 1 to 10, that’s about a 12. And you can’t maintain that in marriage. When you get married, it’s not going to be this explosive kind of thing that takes off. Oh if this is to take place it may be once a week because of the responsibilities. 

When you get into premarital sex, you go around the character. What happens, though, when you get into marriage, is that premarital stuff doesn’t happen like it used to. Now sex takes place at the end of the day when the man comes in, the woman is doing her deal, they put those kids down, they shower-up, brush teeth, clean up, psych themselves up —” all right, it’s time for sex, here we go.” It’s an act of the will. You say, “You’re kidding.” Trust me. If that fountain is not there, of the fear of God, love, servanthood, kindness, courtesy, helping each other, taking out the trash —if all of those expressions of piety, theology, and Christ-likeness aren’t there, sex isn’t going to happen. 

You’re going to go frigid or freezing. And that’s why couples that get into premarital sex create a deception, they retard the building of what it takes to develop a relationship, and they build that thing, they cross that bridge on a bridge of balsa. It’s on Styrofoam. They get into marriage, the fountain of piety or virtue’s isn’t there, and now it just becomes frustration, manipulation, the attempt to kick in the eroticism or the sexual excitement, and it doesn’t work, and you end up just busting it up. 

Here is the warning, for of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them {Ephesians 5:5-7}.

 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral {Hebrews 13:4}

 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable {1 Thessalonians 4:3-4}

1 Thessalonians 4:3, 4, 7 says, “God wants you to be holy and to stay away from sexual sins. He wants each of you to learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable. God called us to be holy and does not want us to live in sin.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 encourages us to “Run away from sexual sin. Every other sin people do is outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their bodies. You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves, because you were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies.”

Be blessed