PR DENIS KALUNGI KIREKA CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP

SERMON 18/09/2021

FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

Fight for your marriage — even if everyone tells you not to

Do you want your marriage to work, but you don’t know how? You know staying together is the right thing to do, but everything about our society makes it easier to give up and move on. Even the way people talk about marriage makes you question whether staying together is worth it:

“It’s just a signed piece of paper.”

“If you don’t like being married, just get a divorce. It’s that simple.” 

It is easy for someone else to tell you to quit when the going gets tough, but only you are responsible for your decisions. And if you’ll choose to fight for your marriage, God will fight with you. 

Throughout the Bible, God is described as our help, our shield, our fortress, and our strength. And in {Psalm 33}, the Bible promises that “the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...”

Marriage is hard work. Some don't work hard at it. Many don't survive the first few years. Celebrating a fiftieth, or even a twenty-fifth, wedding anniversary is rare these days. Divorce rates among Christians are as high as those among non-believers.

We have allowed the postmodern mindset to convince our churches and our couples that divorce is now acceptable rather than an exception. We now justify divorce as a solution. It's not God's solution. God allows divorce under specific and limited terms. He allows it because of the sinfulness and hardness of man's heart. When marriage is no longer compatible with the age, the age needs to change, not the institution of marriage.

Let us take our study from the book of {Mathew 19:1- 8}, they said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning, it was not so. “So if you have been using it as a reason Moses was forced”

Jesus concluded by saying” and said, ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” {Mathew 19:5-6} now what can separate one flesh adultery, people’s advice. Let us go back to the true word of God

Society today doesn't view marriage as a life-long commitment based on a covenant with God. One Hollywood couple's marriage lasted fifteen days. Any couple married more than ten years in Hollywood is considered a rarity. Now the church is following Hollywood's lead. Marriages don't last. Instead, couples say "as long as our love shall last" in place of "till death do us part."

During the wedding ceremony, we talk about the wedding vows. The minister asks the couple to turn and face one other and repeat their vows. Those vows are before God and the witnesses gathered, and they are to be taken seriously. Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes, "When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it; for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay" {Ecclesiastes 5; 4, 5}

Unfortunately, we live in a day when many couples walk to the altar with no intention of keeping their vows or with doubt about the marriage lasting. Solomon's stern or strict warning above reminds us that a vow is a vow. It's intended to be permanent. In his booklet entitled "Commitment," Chuck Swindoll writes, "No amount of psychological therapy, positive thinking (often dubbed ‘grace'), semantic footwork with a biblical text, alternative concepts or mutual support from family and friends can remove your responsibility to keep your vow."

Why God Wants You to Fight for Your Marriage

We know God wants us to fight for our marriages because marriage was His idea. Made from heaven and consummated here on earth

After making the earth, the animals, and man, God decided it was not good for Adam to be alone. So God created a woman, and at the first wedding ceremony in history, He introduced Adam to Eve {Genesis 2:18-25}.

Adam describes his wife as “bones and flesh of my flesh,” and they were united as one.

Thousands of years later, Jesus reminds His followers that marriage has always been more than a contract with God:

“Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason, flesh a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” {Matthew 19:5-6}.

Marriage is a commitment between one man and one woman before God to spend a lifetime loving and serving each other for God’s glory. The covenant we make in marriage was designed to mirror the unconditional, unshakeable covenant between Jesus and us {Ephesians 5:22-33}. That’s why fighting for our marriage matters so much to God.

When we pursue our spouses, we are choosing to put Jesus first in our lives. We’re choosing to trust that God’s design for marriage will exceed our own expectations.

How to Fight for Your Marriage

Never give up.

Every marriage experiences difficulty. Those trials are meant to deepen our love for our spouse — just as trials are meant to deepen our relationship with Christ {1 Corinthians 7:28}.

If the trials seem like more than you can bear on your own, it’s OK to ask for help. Consider meeting with your pastor or opening up to an older married couple who can help you through hard times. Any good relationship takes dedication, commitment, and communication. We have to want our marriage to be great and to want to strive to make it better — no matter our circumstances.

Fight for your marriage, not in it.

The more you invest in your marriage, the more valuable it will become to you. What you invest in and value, you will fight for. Two ways to know you’re fighting for your marriage and not in it:

Focus on yourself and what needs to change in you before pointing out what needs to change about your spouse.

Try to not use the word “you” when you’re arguing. Instead, focus more on the word “I.” For example, “I know I have been doing this, and I am sorry,” instead of, “You know you shouldn’t do that, and you need to apologize.” Taking responsibility for your part of the problem eliminates a lot of fighting “in” your marriage. This is how you demonstrate your desire to make a difference.

Guard your marriage.

God is constantly drawing people to Himself, and one day, Jesus will return to Earth to put an end to our world’s sin and brokenness {Revelation 21:4}. But in the meantime, Satan will do anything he can, including attack marriages, to make Christians ineffective and distract non-Christians from Jesus’ offer of salvation.

Marriages are vulnerable to Satan because they are valuable to God. If Satan can create disunity between a husband and wife, he can cause believers and non-believers alike to question God’s good design for relationships. Satan’s first language is deceit, creating doubts like “Does he ean it when he says ‘I love you?” One of the best ways to guard your marriage against Satan’s attacks is to guard your mind.

When Satan tries to get you to question your spouse, remember the apostle Paul’s advice: “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things” {Philippians 4:8} do not waste time rumor and a developmental conversations 

Pursue your spouse. 

The more you feed something, the faster it grows. The more you starve it, the faster it dies. Pursuing your spouse is how you feed your marriage. Just like a healthy plant has deep roots that help it withstand droughts, cold fronts, and all sorts of storms, a healthy marriage is deeply rooted in love, allowing it to withstand all kinds of conflict. Peter, one of Jesus’ close friends, reminds us of this writing, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” {1 Peter 4:8}.

So what does loving each other deeply look like? Ask your spouse what makes him or her feel loved. Then, do what he or she says. Be intentional about making your spouse your first priority after Jesus, remembering that what you feed with your time and attention is what will grow. If you want your marriage to be stronger than your career, feed it more than your job. If you want your relationship to be strong after the kids move away, but it is first in your family.

Pray for your marriage, for your spouse, and meanyourself. 

Prayer is a vital role in fighting for your marriage. It is a weapon Satan cannot stand up to. Prayer aligns your actions with God’s will, strengthening your obedience and faith to overcome your selfishness. As you pray for your spouse and yourself, ask God to help you see your spouse through His eyes and to help you fix the things you need to become more like Jesus. Let God transform you while trusting Him to do the same for your spouse {Romans 12:9-12}.

We need to fight the real enemy.
In most struggling marriages, husbands and wives begin to see each other as the enemy. But Satan is the one who wants to destroy marriage, and he does it by pitting husbands and wives against each other. “James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

We need a strategy to fight for marriage.

Most people give up too easily on their vows. In the movie, Elizabeth grew bitter as her husband Tony grew distant. There was no tenderness toward each other, and divorce was imminent. Then Elizabeth met Ms. Clara, who was willing to invest in her as a mentor. Ms. Clara challenged Elizabeth to pray for her husband, and that’s when the story changed. The movie illustrates the importance of the “trifecta” for Christian living: God’s Spirit (and prayer), God’s Word (the Bible), and God’s people (mentoring).

2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

We need to extend grace.
The themes of grace and forgiveness permeate or infuse the movie, just as they permeate life. At one point, Ms. Clara asks Elizabeth to write down everything her husband had done wrong. Then she asked, “Does God still love him? Does he deserve grace?” It’s a rhetorical question. God extends grace to us, even though we don’t deserve it. This is at the core of a healthy marriage. Though trust is earned in the long run, love is a choice at the heart of it all. Colossians 3:13 Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

We need to pass it on. 
Ms. Clara was intentional in her efforts to help Elizabeth, even though Liz wasn’t asking for help at first. Sermons don’t make disciples – people do. After Liz’s marriage was saved, Ms. Clara challenged her to pass it on and help someone else who needed it. We call this mentoring – and it’s at the heart of the Christian message.

Galatians 6:1-2 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.

There's something I want to share with everyone willing to read this article.

Before Satan take advantage of us; let us not be ignorant of his devices and schemes {2 Corinthians 2:11}. So that he will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes.

When your foot is infested with a jigger, you don't cut off the foot- you deal with the jigger; get a safety pin and remove that jigger.  There may be some pain while removing the jigger, it may take some days to walk upright again but it's much better than removing a whole foot for a mere intruder in your body.

I am not being insensitive, I know how hurtful it is for one's trust to be abused. It is painful! If your spouse is not violent and without the risk of causing your death, give it a second chance. I am speaking as a person who grew up in a broken home, I am speaking as a person who went through it and I am speaking as a servant of God. 

Woman, there are no better men than him for you. Those who don't cheat, are drunkards, others are thieves, others are broke, while others are violent and physically abusive and others are witches, etc. 

The pain of being guilty is that even the murderers, the rapists, the thieves etc all get to mock you. That's the world.  Don't throw away your precious marriage because of ego and wrong advice- 99% of the ladies throw their marriage without a second thought. The majority of them sleep around with married men but the devil is right now using them as vessels of frustration to hate any married man or woman. 

Don't give the devil an undeserved win.

The world has a way people celebrate wrongs and other people's failings as if it makes them better. As a society, we have gotten used to wrongs that we now cheer people's misery; it's sad! Woman, it's possible at this moment that all your male friends are heaping blame on Andrew so that they can confuse you into having consolation entanglements with you. Those are evil friends that you must keep away from in this period- they're direct from hell. 

Your old friends- some of them might be happy that finally, you're about to be like them, others might be giving you weird ideas of taking you to Senga X, Y, and Z; woman, Senga is simply a witch dressed in urban slang. No one has won with the devil. Don't give such a thought, those are daughters of Lucifer. Your help can only come from the LORD (Psalm 121).

This post is not attempting to exonerate or vindicate men or blindly support my gender, NO! Therefore, my advice comes from a place of truth. Marriage is worth fighting for but you as a woman, cannot manage. Only JESUS! {2 Corinthians 10:4-6}.

Your man needs Jesus, your daughters and sons need Jesus and you too need Jesus. We all need Jesus! Sometimes we struggle with the symptoms of the problem and fail to identify the real issue.  What confuses most of us is how evil manifests- the bible says in {John 10:10}that a thief doesn't only come to steal but to kill and destroy. Cheating can simply be a manifestation of an anti-marriage force. 

We shouldn't be confused by the several ways in which the devil deals with us. Your spouse may be a cheater, but another one is broke, and another is a drunkard while others are violent, etc. The bottom line is that marriages are destroyed. 

When you look back at your family both sides of your parents, what do you see? [This is also for everyone reading].

It may sound far-fetched but please read to learn; some of us are the first generation of an attempt to deal with our family generational curses {Lamentations 5:7} and therefore, before we stand with the crowd, let us first deal with the truth about ourselves.

No one is married in your family, but you expect to smoothly go through it or the only person in your family who is married is a polygamist but instead, you are blaming your spouse? 

Some of us have been raised by single parents, that's enough to explain the lack of marriage in your family lineage. Even the early death of one or both of your parents is an anti-marriage force. The devil can use any situation or circumstance to hit a marriage.  Instead of engaging in a physical battle, ask God to deliver you from your family's spirit of uniformity.  Breaking the family ruling spirits is not a joke; no one is careful enough to deal with spiritual warfare outside of God. “Without Jesus, all these cycles keep on” reoccurring.

Only JESUS breaks curses completely. The bible says that who the Son sets free is free indeed (John 8:36). Woman, stand firm and fight for your marriage.  All you need is the salvation which is a free gift {Romans 10:9} and then the Lord will fight your battles.

The shame, humiliation, and embarrassment that you are enduring is your cross. Marriage too has a cost. Carry that cross, it's worth the testimony at the silver jubilee celebration.  Woman or man you need God. You urgently need to change and repent of your cunning ways to both God and your husband or wife. If it's possible, Mercy needs to repent before God. 

The popularity of the socialite's command; without Jesus, it's a time bomb. No one can change a human being except God who created them, that's why salvation is the best solution otherwise, for how long can one police a spouse?

Immorality is a spirit otherwise what can explain your situation or his situation? A beautiful woman or a handsome man that everyone craves is next to you but you are busy lusting after another. 

The devil is a liar!

Someone read 1st John 2:15-16, you'll understand my point. Here it reads do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.

Immorality is not about beauty or status, it's a possession and once someone is delivered from it, they'll even regret what they did. Immorality spirit is the most powerful weapon of the devil as described in the book of Revelations chapter 17- the Babylonian Prostitute.

It makes kings and governments drink. 

That's what Jezebel's spirit does. It comes with immorality, destruction, and dominion.  People under the possession of this spirit behave strangely; it's a spirit. “Instead of judging them, feel sorry.”

Don't allow to lose your marriage, fight for it. The bible says in James 4:7 that we should resist the devil and he'll flee.  Your message is summarized in 2nd Chronicles 7:14. Whenever we humble ourselves before God, He is very faithful to deliver us from all our troubles. 

Women, man, don’t run to people- most of them have worse problems, the only difference is that their troubles are not known to you. Run to JESUS, who doesn't judge, who forgives, who understands us in our weaknesses, and more importantly, who delivers us from our bondage.

Your husband, your wife is the same good guy that you fell in love with but the problem is sin. Separate sin from a sinner! That's why God forgives sinners and yet sin is already judged. Have compassion for your husband, your wife and support him or her at this moment because the devil is buying for the disunity that this may cause, to take advantage.  Forgive, pray and let Jesus be at the center of your marriage and family. 

Separation or divorce is worse. 

Pray for the gift of salvation in your house so that you receive the Holy Spirit- God on earth who fights battles. It's not well out there, so fight for your marriage and the only way to do it is to involve Jesus. {Matthew 11:28} Then Jesus said, 'Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.'

Be blessed and have a fruitful marriage.